Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts

2.28.2009

More Devil's Dictionary



More definitions from the Devil's Dictionary.

FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

2.18.2009

Never Argue with a Woman


One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.


He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'


'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').


'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.


'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.


'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'


'For reading a book,' she replies.


'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.


'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.


'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.


'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'


'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.




MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

1.10.2009

Thoughts of the day...


Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-H.L. Mencken

It seems, in fact, as though the second half of a man's life is made up of nothing, but the habits he has accumulated during the first half.
-Fyodor Dostoevsky (Russian novelist)

The best part about telling someone your secret is secretly telling them your secret, therefore secretly adding to the secret collection of secrets, secretly.
-SpongeBob SquarePants

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?