How One Direction ruined my day and possibly life.

I don't listen to the radio very often, due to the fact that I have a very impressionable 4 year old. And I can not handle him going to school and saying "It's Brittany bitch" or something. But sometimes, when I'm having a hard time falling asleep, I'll turn Pandora on on my phone, plug in my huge cushy headphones, and just zone out till I get tired. And don't feel like I'm a terrible parent, I always take them off before I doze off, and dudes, I have a husband. 
Surely he can listen for children's distressed cries for an hour.

But I digress. The point is, I was on Pandora  and this song came on that woke me up. I find myself listening along to every word, jamming so hard that I forgot to look and see what the song is called, or who sings it. 
 And since Pandora won't let you replay a song (bitches) I have to figure out another way. So I go to YouTube and search the main lyrics to find the video. And it"s this cute little ditty called "Little Things" Maybe you've heard it?

Fucking One Direction.
I instantly question my taste in music, as well as my overall outlook on life.
But not enough to stop me from wanting to hear the song again.
So I watch the video while simultaneously loving the song and hating myself.
Because now I realize I'm in love with a bunch of preteens. Except the one with the weird accent that comes in about halfway through. What's his deal? He's definitely the Chris Kirkpatrick of this boy-band.

Anyways, over the next few days I heard the song several times on the radio at work, and each time I was secretly like Yes! It's my jam!, as I slowly eased my door closed so I could enjoy this lovely embarrassing song in private.

But then I listened to it, like REALLY listened to it. And that song, sucks.
It's overall message is hey girl, I know you hate yourself and think you are an unattractive worthless piece of shit, but it's OK, because I like you. So let me validate your worth in the world. 
Um no, that's okay. I'm well aware that I'm pretty, smart, funny, and good at tons of shit. 
So fuck you very much, Harry.

My favorite part is when dude is talking about "the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine", because honestly, I didn't even know that was a thing. So them all worried, do I have them? Is it a fat person thing? If so, rude for pointing them out. But dimples in general are cute, so I'd probably like them.
And then "you never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans but you're perfect to me" So I'm pretty sure you just called me fat. And perhaps called yourself a chubby chaser, but I can't be sure.

You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you-Yes, I will. 

You'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to. -Yes, I will. What the fuck dude?

I'm not buying it, One Direction. 
So yeah, that song sucks.

But I'm totally still going to sing it in the shower. And probably cry in shame while I do it. 

1 comment:

drollgirl said...

i have those dimples. i thought everyone did, but maybe not the super skinny. :[ lol

i am so old i don't even know this song!