Devil's Dictionary

I have been reading The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce through the amazing website DailyLit. It emails a portion of a book or story to you everyday, and makes it so much easier to read since you don't have the daunting task of finishing it all at once. I have decided to add some of my favorite definitions here. Enjoy!

FOOL, n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscience, omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations war -- founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago. He established monarchical and republican government. He is from everlasting to everlasting -- such as creation's dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His grandmotherly hand was warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man's evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal grave.And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of human civilization.

FORGETFULNESS, n. A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.